The theory

Dave was so thrilled the day his book finally got listed on Amazon. “Dave’s Theory of Everything” had been years in the making. His radical new model of how the universe works would be a game‐changer for all of humanity; of that Dave was sure. He had patiently recorded every detail of his model and had at last achieved what great thinkers from Plato to Einstein had been unable to do.

The first thing Dave did after his seminal work was published was to contact his friend Jerry. Jerry was an intellectual, a Ph.D. and someone who knew a lot about many different fields. Dave was hoping to not only impress his brilliant friend, but also to convert him over to Dave’s new philosophy, which followed from his theory.

A few days after having alerted Jerry that the book was available in e‐book format, Dave asked him what he thought about it.

Not at all impressed by his theory but not wanting to hurt Dave’s feelings, Jerry struggled with the right words.

Jerry: Well, Dave, it certainly is… interesting…

Dave: So you can see now how everything is connected, right? How water contains the shadow of every soul that ever lived? How the sun is really a portal to other parts of the universe? How the mind of each sentient being is actually a fundamental particle in a much larger universe? You get all that?

Um, well, actually… Look Dave, I’m trying to be gentle here but, well, I can’t make heads or tails out of this. It all reads like gibberish to me. I just don’t understand…

That’s okay, Jerry! I get it. You’re a very smart guy, much smarter than I am. And yet, you’re struggling with the content. That’s to be expected. In fact, in chapter five I go into that. You see, you have to be in a “special enlightened place”, sort of spiritually, in order to understand. To those who are not in that place, it sounds like foolishness. You need to read the whole book! In chapter nine, I explain how to get to the enlightened place.

I’m sorry, Dave. I stopped reading way before then. There are so many internal inconsistencies…

Sure, to an intellectual giant such as yourself, schooled in conventional thinking, things appear to be inconsistent. Read chapter seventeen! In it I explain the “consistency fallacy.” You are falling victim to the illusion of Western linear thinking! It doesn’t have to be consistent to be true!

Look, Dave. I’m trying to be kind. You want truth? Truth is, your theory bears no resemblance to reality. Einstein’s theories have been used to send spacecraft to other worlds and allow pinpoint location of moving objects on the ground by orbiting satellites! Your theory makes claims like ‘a properly trained mind can project its consciousness into the future, or the past.’ That just doesn’t square with reality.

Jerry, you amuse me! Did you even skim chapter eleven, where I perfectly explained that what you call “reality” is actually a dream state!

Dave, I think you and I are talking past each other here. I’m trying to be helpful, but all you do is quote your book. That doesn’t help unless I already accept the truth behind your book. You first have to convince me that your book is true before we can start throwing quotes at each other. Do you understand that?

That’s a great point, Jerry — and I’m really glad you brought it up. In chapter nineteen, I discuss this at length…

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.